Smif Report 4/29

The Bellevue Christian Dodgeball Tournament's first round continued in full force today, as Team Song scratched and clawed to a narrow 2-1 win over Team Olson that took nearly 24 minutes. Team Parsons finished off the day with a sweep of Team Wittenberg.

Watch Adam Smith's post game interview with Nathan Parsons on today's installment of the Smif Report:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQhqgGCPPxw&feature=youtu.be

Smif Report 4/28

Despite 3 K/Os from their captain, Team Carlson fell to Team McQuaid 2-0 in the opening match of the BCS Dodgeball Tournament.

Click the link below to watch today's installment of the Smif Report:

http://youtu.be/gLzeIWkRUEk

A New Era For BCS Dodgeball

As the great Lion Turtle stated in an episode of The Legend of Korra, “it’s the beginning of a new age.”

Monday, April 28 will mark the day when members of every team can brush aside the media maelstrom and finally focus on what many have been preparing for their entire lives: Dodgeball.

This weekly publication, whether you read it in print form or online, will keep you informed on every heart-pounding story, intriguing stat and game preview related to the tournament. Will we be accurate in everything we report and analyze? Of course not, you imbecile. We’ll try to remain as accurate as possible.

A few notes before diving into our first round matchup previews:

• Just days before the first round, captain and last year’s champion Noah Holmes claimed that his team sits “head and shoulders” above the rest of the competition. This of course remains to be seen, but fellow senior Jackson Connell wouldn’t have it, replying to Holmes with a defiant “as if.”
• Dodgeball officials are investigating and may possibly drug test captain Matthew Carlson’s team, as he claimed on Twitter Sunday that his team “can’t lose” because his Grandma Judy made him “cookies.” Carlson’s team spokesman wouldn’t elaborate on these supposed “cookies” when asked if they gave his team an unnatural advantage.
• Senate flexed their financial muscles and bought new dodgeballs this year, albeit to some controversy. Critics assert that scientific studies show that the new dodgeballs’ “grippiness” could leave the players susceptible to excruciating hand cramps and possibly other symptoms. Keep an eye on that.

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Monday (4/28): Team McQuaid vs. Team Carlson
Facing off against the talent laden Team McQuaid, Carlson’s self-titled “The Undodgeables” look to topple the tournament’s chairman.

Tuesday (4/29): Team Olson vs. Team Song; Team Parsons vs. Team Wittenberg Rejecting the name “Kenny and the Songs,” Team Song faces off against Noah Olson’s primarily sophomore team. Team Parsons, led by the devilishly handsome but noodle armed Nathan Parsons, plays Team Wittenberg, spearheaded by Michael “Danger” Dougherty.

Thursday (4/30): Team Holmes vs. Team Young; Team Kimbell vs. Team Koehler Team Holmes vs. Team Young promises to be an exciting matchup, as it pits the overconfident Noah Holmes against Daniel Young and company, who promise whatever the result, to live young, wild and free. Kimbell vs. Koehler finishes off the week, with baseball ace Scott Lambert pitted against fellow baseball player, Matthew Lew.

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Stay tuned every day for The Smif Report, where Adam Smith will conduct post-game interviews with all of your favorite dodgeball players.

Reach Nathan Parsons at nathanparsons98@yahoo.com to complain, rant, or comment on this kind of fictitious blog post.